Saturday, January 28, 2012

An ode to the tee shirt…

I was going through my tee shirt drawers the other day, yes it is supposed to be plural; I have two drawers in my dresser devoted to nothing but tee shirts. Anyway, I was looking for donations for our church’s upcoming rummage sale. I found a few things to donate form the closet and then started on the dresser. Both of the tee shirts drawers were packed as full as I could get them.
I took all of the tee shirts out of both drawers and decided to group them together with like kind, when I remembered with glee Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck fashion advice. He said that Redneck’s don’t need résumés because you can learn everything you need to know about a Redneck by looking in their tee shirt draw.
As I was folding my mountain of tee shirts, I unwittingly proved him right. I figure I passed the Redneck test first off by having not one drawer but two drawers for the love of tee shirts; and I do love tee shirts. I love obnoxious tee shirts, and I love tee shirts that are low-key.
Jeff Foxworthy also says in the same piece that it is okay for a tee shirt to say nothing. Not in my life it isn’t. I do not have one single tee shirt in either drawer that says nothing.
After sorting, folding, and repacking my drawers, here is my mini Redneck Résumé …          
Let’s see, music and radio stations… Montgomery Gentry, Jason Aldean, Trailer Choir, Toby Keith, and Celtic Woman. Whew, I was scared there for a minute. Okay, it’s all good, those are all of the concerts I’ve been two in the past couple of years. Yes, I have two radio station tee shirts in my drawers, WPIG, and 105.1.
Work related… I have one tee shirt that says “Wallace’s Income tax Service” and several promoting my Redneck Heaven Book; admittedly one of them is a button down shirt, and one is a Polo shirt, but let’s not get too fussy. Since I am a self-employed Bookkeeper, Tax Preparer, and now author, I think they qualify. I have recently acquired tee shirts announcing to the world that I am author. Be careful, you might find yourself in my next novel, hee hee. Let’s not forget the NaNoWriMo shirts that I am accumulating. I’m not really sure if they should go under work or play, but they’re fun, so they get to stay.
In this same category are two shirts from volunteer activities in my community. Volunteering is another form of work, and I think more of us should get involved locally in our community, and buy the tee shirt to help the cause that we are supporting by volunteering.
I don’t follow college sports, but I do love the Steelers. I have four tee shirts and two jerseys with the black and gold prominently displayed. Although to be fair, you don’t have to look in my tee shirt drawer to know that I am a Steelers Fan, I have three Terrible Towels tacked up on my bedroom wall. Let’s not forget the high school and college tee shirts, proudly letting everyone know the accomplishments of my kids.
We don’t go on true vacations a lot. However, I do have three shirts from wineries in New York that I visited last year with my girlfriends. I also have one form the Alaska Sea life Aquarium. I went to Alaska with my sister several years ago to visit my nephew who is in the Air Force and stationed near Anchorage.
What else can someone learn from my tee shirt drawer? Oh, I know I have two from the dance studio that my daughter and I belong. I don’t hunt or fish, so I guess I flunk the standard stereotype Redneck Test.
I guess the last thing to be learned from my tee shirts is that where life’s philosophy is concerned, I have no sensor bar. I will buy and wear any tee shirt that speaks to me or amuses me. The Big Dog’s line of shirts are funny, obnoxious and some over the line raunchy. If you have a sense of humor, and love quality tee shirts, give them a try.
My husband and I had to go to the school for a parent teacher conference last week. I was wearing my best work from home outfit a tee shirt and shorts. Yes, I have become one of those people who wear shorts year round. I even sometimes pair the shorts with a sweatshirt and subject myself to ridicule for not knowing if I’m hot or cold, more on that in a later post. I knew I had to change before going in for the conference, but I thought I would only have to change the shorts. Don a pair of faded, well-worn jeans and off we go. Nope. I hit on another one of Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck fashion tips… “If your bra is darker than your shirt you might want to pay attention.” You guessed it; I was wearing a white tee shirt with a blue and white striped bra underneath.
I had such an easy time coming up with Tee shirts that Meredith wore in Redneck Heaven because some of them came from my drawer, and some of them just naturally fit the situation. The ones that are not in my drawer should be, and will be soon. My friend at GBMax plucked the ideas for the tee shirts directly from my brain and made them into shirts for the whole world to enjoy. One of the best things I like about being self-employed is getting to wear my favorite tee shirts every day.
After displaying my resume for all to see, I have to tell you that I managed to find two shirts to give away, and both of them went to my daughter. I simply could not part with even one of my treasures. Even if I don’t wear them for years at a time, all of my tee shirts are like family members. It’s good to have them close by incase you ever need them.
Tee shirts define us as who we are; they tell people what we like or dislike; they give out point of view, so we don’t have to. They keep us warm (ish) and sometimes serve as a reminder of what not to wear. Wear them proud and wear them loud. Let your tee shirt speak for you. My tee shirt resume can be summed up in one line…
I am proud to be a Redneck.


  1. Haha, love your choice of attire!

    1. Thank you. I'm pretty happy with my choice of attire too. Thank you for your comment too.