Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Blog Tour

I am so excited…

Redneck Heaven is off on a whirlwind internet Blog Tour.

                                                               Isn’t that a cool poster?

A Special Thank you goes out to CBLS Promotions for organizing and running the tour.

Here is a list of the schedule:

VBT Schedule:

Mar 19: Close Encounters with the Night Kind (Giveaway/Review)

Mar 20: Love to Read Romance (Giveaway/Review)

Mar 21: AJ's Reading Nook (Giveaway/Review)

Mar 22: Delighted Reader Book Reviews (Giveaway/Guest Post)

Mar 23: Blackraven's Erotic Cafe(Giveaway/Guest Post)

Mar 24: Words of Wisdom from The Scarf Princess (Giveaway/Guest Post)

Mar 25: Ramblings From This Chick(Giveaway)

Mar 26: She Who Blogs Behind the Rows (Giveaway/Review)

Mar 27: My Devotional Thoughts(Giveaway/Review)

Mar 28: Mommies Point of View(Giveaway/Interview)

Stop at each one of them for a chance to win a copy of Redneck Heaven.



Saturday, January 28, 2012

An ode to the tee shirt…

I was going through my tee shirt drawers the other day, yes it is supposed to be plural; I have two drawers in my dresser devoted to nothing but tee shirts. Anyway, I was looking for donations for our church’s upcoming rummage sale. I found a few things to donate form the closet and then started on the dresser. Both of the tee shirts drawers were packed as full as I could get them.
I took all of the tee shirts out of both drawers and decided to group them together with like kind, when I remembered with glee Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck fashion advice. He said that Redneck’s don’t need résumés because you can learn everything you need to know about a Redneck by looking in their tee shirt draw.
As I was folding my mountain of tee shirts, I unwittingly proved him right. I figure I passed the Redneck test first off by having not one drawer but two drawers for the love of tee shirts; and I do love tee shirts. I love obnoxious tee shirts, and I love tee shirts that are low-key.
Jeff Foxworthy also says in the same piece that it is okay for a tee shirt to say nothing. Not in my life it isn’t. I do not have one single tee shirt in either drawer that says nothing.
After sorting, folding, and repacking my drawers, here is my mini Redneck Résumé …          
Let’s see, music and radio stations… Montgomery Gentry, Jason Aldean, Trailer Choir, Toby Keith, and Celtic Woman. Whew, I was scared there for a minute. Okay, it’s all good, those are all of the concerts I’ve been two in the past couple of years. Yes, I have two radio station tee shirts in my drawers, WPIG, and 105.1.
Work related… I have one tee shirt that says “Wallace’s Income tax Service” and several promoting my Redneck Heaven Book; admittedly one of them is a button down shirt, and one is a Polo shirt, but let’s not get too fussy. Since I am a self-employed Bookkeeper, Tax Preparer, and now author, I think they qualify. I have recently acquired tee shirts announcing to the world that I am author. Be careful, you might find yourself in my next novel, hee hee. Let’s not forget the NaNoWriMo shirts that I am accumulating. I’m not really sure if they should go under work or play, but they’re fun, so they get to stay.
In this same category are two shirts from volunteer activities in my community. Volunteering is another form of work, and I think more of us should get involved locally in our community, and buy the tee shirt to help the cause that we are supporting by volunteering.
I don’t follow college sports, but I do love the Steelers. I have four tee shirts and two jerseys with the black and gold prominently displayed. Although to be fair, you don’t have to look in my tee shirt drawer to know that I am a Steelers Fan, I have three Terrible Towels tacked up on my bedroom wall. Let’s not forget the high school and college tee shirts, proudly letting everyone know the accomplishments of my kids.
We don’t go on true vacations a lot. However, I do have three shirts from wineries in New York that I visited last year with my girlfriends. I also have one form the Alaska Sea life Aquarium. I went to Alaska with my sister several years ago to visit my nephew who is in the Air Force and stationed near Anchorage.
What else can someone learn from my tee shirt drawer? Oh, I know I have two from the dance studio that my daughter and I belong. I don’t hunt or fish, so I guess I flunk the standard stereotype Redneck Test.
I guess the last thing to be learned from my tee shirts is that where life’s philosophy is concerned, I have no sensor bar. I will buy and wear any tee shirt that speaks to me or amuses me. The Big Dog’s line of shirts are funny, obnoxious and some over the line raunchy. If you have a sense of humor, and love quality tee shirts, give them a try.
My husband and I had to go to the school for a parent teacher conference last week. I was wearing my best work from home outfit a tee shirt and shorts. Yes, I have become one of those people who wear shorts year round. I even sometimes pair the shorts with a sweatshirt and subject myself to ridicule for not knowing if I’m hot or cold, more on that in a later post. I knew I had to change before going in for the conference, but I thought I would only have to change the shorts. Don a pair of faded, well-worn jeans and off we go. Nope. I hit on another one of Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck fashion tips… “If your bra is darker than your shirt you might want to pay attention.” You guessed it; I was wearing a white tee shirt with a blue and white striped bra underneath.
I had such an easy time coming up with Tee shirts that Meredith wore in Redneck Heaven because some of them came from my drawer, and some of them just naturally fit the situation. The ones that are not in my drawer should be, and will be soon. My friend at GBMax Signs.com plucked the ideas for the tee shirts directly from my brain and made them into shirts for the whole world to enjoy. One of the best things I like about being self-employed is getting to wear my favorite tee shirts every day.
After displaying my resume for all to see, I have to tell you that I managed to find two shirts to give away, and both of them went to my daughter. I simply could not part with even one of my treasures. Even if I don’t wear them for years at a time, all of my tee shirts are like family members. It’s good to have them close by incase you ever need them.
Tee shirts define us as who we are; they tell people what we like or dislike; they give out point of view, so we don’t have to. They keep us warm (ish) and sometimes serve as a reminder of what not to wear. Wear them proud and wear them loud. Let your tee shirt speak for you. My tee shirt resume can be summed up in one line…
I am proud to be a Redneck.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Midget Toilet

While I was on a wine tasting tour with my two good friends, my husband installed a new toilet in our bathroom. Our old toilet was a midget toilet; it was only 14” high. For anyone who has never sat on a midget toilet versus a regular toilet it is like sitting down on a toilet versus plopping down and hoping for the best because it is so far to go before you hit porcelain that you started peeing before hitting pay dirt.
Now don’t get me wrong, midget toilets have their places; the children’s room at a daycare jumps to mind, but not in a bathroom that is so big you can sit on the toilet, extend your arms as far as you can in all directions (well except backwards, because the wall is there, duh!) and not touch a single thing.
Not only was our old toilet short, it didn’t flush correctly. It was supposed to be a water saver. It didn’t save any water because you had to hold the handle down until everything went down. So instead of doing your business, getting up and flushing like a normal person, anyone using our midget toilet had to stand up, hold the handle down forever and watch their business swirl around until it finally decided to go down the drain. Not exactly riveting watching. On the flip side you always knew where your last meal was in your digestive tract. Too much? Probably, but you have to admit it was funny.

So while I was toiling away at several wineries on Seneca Lake my husband was toiling away installing a new toilet. When I got home from my exhaustive (only because we were laughing so much) day of wine tasting and tee shirt shopping, not only did we have a new toilet in the bathroom, the old midget toilet was nowhere in site. Yeah!
The new toilet is 17” high, with a self-closing lid and an elongated bowl. Talk about a Heavenly experience… Sit down, do your business, stand up, flush (just one little push, not hold it down until your hand cramps or run for the plunger); just one little push; you could probably do it with one finger. WHOOSH. And away it goes.

Toilets are those things in the house that should be benign. No one should have any feelings for a toilet whatsoever. It serves one purpose and one purpose only(see above if unclear what that purpose is). I have always hated our midget toilet. Always; since it was first installed right up until yesterday morning when I used it for the last time. My husband said there was nothing wrong with our old toilet so there was no point in replacing it. I have fantasized for years about taking a sledge hammer to it just so something would be wrong with it. After one too many runs for the plunger, my husband finally decided it was time for a new toilet. See how I let him think it was his decision?
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Friday, January 20, 2012

Blog Name

You may be wondering about the name of my blog. Well every time I start discussing character names or plotting with my family my daughter tells me that my mind is a scary place to visit. So, naturally, I thought that was an appropriate title for my blog. I don’t find my mind a scary place to visit. I consider it more like an amusement park filled with wonderful things to do and see. Not all rides at an amusement park appeal to all people; that is why they have a variety, so that everyone can find something they like.
I hope that anyone who reads my books will find something in them that they like. I understand and accept that my writing will not appeal to all people. That is okay. Just like at the amusement park, everyone is able to pick the kind of books that appeal to them most.
 So with that in mind, I write what appeals to me. I love living with the characters in my head. Some of them are so vocal that they will have books of their own very soon. Some are so vocal that they annoy me and I may never write them into a book. Others are shy and timid and will find themselves as background characters in several books, or they might be surprised to find themselves thrust into the starring role.
My mind is the way it is, and I can’t change that; which is why writing novels appeals to me on so many levels. My life’s philosophy has always been” If it’s not fun, don’t do it. Life is too short to hate what you do for a living.” Writing is not a job for me; it’s not something I have to toil at or struggle with. It is a joy. I love to write. I love to start with a small grain of idea and watch as it blossoms into a fully-fledged story. Like life, it may not always end up as I planned, but it sure was fun getting where I end up.
So welcome to the glimpses inside my scary mind. I can’t guarantee that everyone who comes inside will enjoy the sights and sounds, but I can guarantee that I will always be me. In case you’re wondering, my favorite ride at the amusement park is the carousel; big or small, I love them all. Thank you for coming on this ride with me, I hope you find your favorite ride along the way too.
And remember…
Redneck Heaven is a state of mind, and now it’s a place on earth.

Redneck Heaven is available…

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Digital exclusively for the Kindle