Sunday, January 22, 2012

Midget Toilet

While I was on a wine tasting tour with my two good friends, my husband installed a new toilet in our bathroom. Our old toilet was a midget toilet; it was only 14” high. For anyone who has never sat on a midget toilet versus a regular toilet it is like sitting down on a toilet versus plopping down and hoping for the best because it is so far to go before you hit porcelain that you started peeing before hitting pay dirt.
Now don’t get me wrong, midget toilets have their places; the children’s room at a daycare jumps to mind, but not in a bathroom that is so big you can sit on the toilet, extend your arms as far as you can in all directions (well except backwards, because the wall is there, duh!) and not touch a single thing.
Not only was our old toilet short, it didn’t flush correctly. It was supposed to be a water saver. It didn’t save any water because you had to hold the handle down until everything went down. So instead of doing your business, getting up and flushing like a normal person, anyone using our midget toilet had to stand up, hold the handle down forever and watch their business swirl around until it finally decided to go down the drain. Not exactly riveting watching. On the flip side you always knew where your last meal was in your digestive tract. Too much? Probably, but you have to admit it was funny.

So while I was toiling away at several wineries on Seneca Lake my husband was toiling away installing a new toilet. When I got home from my exhaustive (only because we were laughing so much) day of wine tasting and tee shirt shopping, not only did we have a new toilet in the bathroom, the old midget toilet was nowhere in site. Yeah!
The new toilet is 17” high, with a self-closing lid and an elongated bowl. Talk about a Heavenly experience… Sit down, do your business, stand up, flush (just one little push, not hold it down until your hand cramps or run for the plunger); just one little push; you could probably do it with one finger. WHOOSH. And away it goes.

Toilets are those things in the house that should be benign. No one should have any feelings for a toilet whatsoever. It serves one purpose and one purpose only(see above if unclear what that purpose is). I have always hated our midget toilet. Always; since it was first installed right up until yesterday morning when I used it for the last time. My husband said there was nothing wrong with our old toilet so there was no point in replacing it. I have fantasized for years about taking a sledge hammer to it just so something would be wrong with it. After one too many runs for the plunger, my husband finally decided it was time for a new toilet. See how I let him think it was his decision?
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